Group of 5 women each refuse to pay back friend $150 for vacation, spend it on her friend's birthday instead, are confused when she's upset: 'Oh… so I paid for everyone for my birthday dinner?'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 14, 2025 10:00 AM EST

When you owe a friend money, it's best to give it back immediately. If you've ever found yourself waiting months to pay somebody back, you know you've done something wrong. It instantly jeopardizes your friendship with someone if you're in the red with them. This is why it's tricky to borrow money from friends in the first place. But these things tend to come up when you're planning vacations or eating dinners together. The best thing to do in these situations is to immediately decide who owes whom what amount of money, and then to pay it back as soon as you possibly can. That's not what happened in this story, and instead, something even stranger happened.

When a group of women went on a trip together, one of them had to save the day with a nicer hotel. But instead of thanking her for fronting the money and even using her credit card points to lower the cost, they withheld the money from her for a long time. And after growing resentful of these people for leaving her in the hole for something that they all enjoyed, she wasn't quite ready to forgive.

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  • A group of women sit around a table at a restaurant, eating.
    via Bohdan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  •  Then her friends took her out for dinner, which was way nicer than she expected. And when the check came, they had it covered. But then she quickly learned where the money was from. Read on to see what happened in this situation and to see what came of this friendship.

  • Am I in the wrong for feeling like I paid for my own birthday event?

    A couple months ago we (group of 5 girls) went on a 30th birthday trip for my best friend, Anna. I didn't know the other three ladies very well, but we had a fantastic time! Only major hiccup was that the hotel we'd all pitched in on was awful. I'm talking mold, dangerous neighborhood, weird stains on bed. Anna was crying, everyone was upset, I offered to book a nicer hotel so we didn't have to
    via u/Illustrious_Stage351
  • call the trip off. I okayed the price by everyone and even used a bunch of travel points to knock down the price. Basically everyone was going to owe me around $150. It's been two months and everyone had refused to pay me back or talk about it. Noting that I have a nice corporate job and they're more broke and "just can't right now". I decided it wasn't worth pitching a fit over $600.
    via u/Illustrious_Stage351
  • Fast forward, it was just my 30th birthday. Out of nowhere they offered to take me out to a nice dinner! I'm recently divorced so honestly the offer felt fun and really lovely of an offer and I said I'd love to. We went somewhere fancy, which shocked me given what they'd implied about finances, but they picked the spot. We had a great time, they ordered
    via u/Illustrious_Stage351
  • a lot of wine and fancy appetizers. I had my dinner and one glass of wine for reference. At the end I offered that I can pitch in on the check because I'm sure it's high. They giddily said that they've got it because they decided a while ago to surprise me by basically using the money they owed me to take me out instead. I didn't really know what to say, and probably said the
    via u/Illustrious_Stage351
  • wrong thing. I basically said "oh... so I paid for everyone for my birthday dinner?" They got frustrated saying no, it was their money, but yes technically it was the money they owed me, and what an ungrateful thing to bring up. We're now not talking. Am I being silly for being upset that they used money they owed me like this?
    via u/Illustrious_Stage351

  • Commenters agreed that she might need better friends.

    Grumpy_Lurker · 2h ago NTA. Not only did you pay for your own dinner, you apparently treated them to their meals too. Your friends are way out of line.
    via u/Grumpy_Lurker
  • A group of women sit at a dinner table with wine.
    via Helena Lopes

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Greg TheTerrible • 2h ago NTA. "So you acknowledge you do in fact owe me money for the trip and have room in your budget but refuse to pay me back?" The debt and the dinner are 2 separate pools of money.
    via u/GregTheTerrible
  • kur... . . 2h ago Edited 2h ago NTA they can't "pay you back" the money by choosing to use it to treat themselves (plus you) to dinner. To pay you back they would need to hand the money over to you and then they would have no say over how it was spent.
    via u/kurokomainu
  • The only way their plan would work is if they paid you back and you independently decided to use the money to pay for everyone's dinner.
    via u/kurokomainu
  • s_double_c · 2h ago NTA. They refused to even talk about it? These ladies are supposed to be 30 give or take? My lord. And not pitch a fit over $600? Girl, times are tough! Everything is expensive AF right now. $600 isn't like $50 that might "come out in the wash" over years of friendship. Fuck your friends!
    via u/s_double_c
  • Jerseygirl2468 2h ago NTA they owed you $150 each. That was agreed upon, and they owed you. They don't get to decide how to pay you back, and they certainly don't get to do that by paying for their own meals with it. Time for different friends.
    via u/Jerseygirl2468
  • Common-Parsnip-... 2h ago NTA. They are using the logic of a 13-year-old, not a 30 - year-old. ("Mom, can I have $50 to buy you a birthday present?")
    via u/Common-Parsnip-9682
  • Novel_Fox • 2h ago NTA but drop these people, they aren't your friends. They're users. They will do this again and not bat an eye because they have all decided you make more money than them. Maybe you do but that's a them problem not yours. I grew up on poverty and I wouldn't dream of treating a friend like that just because they had more money than me.
    via u/Novel_Fox
  • RoyallyOakie • 2h ago NTA....You paid for your own birthday party. Hopefully you had a good time. It might be time to find different friends.
    via u/RoyallyOakie
  • owls_and_cardinals • 2h ago NTA. That's exactly what they did. I don't blame you for calling it out on the spot. Obviously a more peaceful/peacekeeping thing to do would have been to let it go and just write these 'friends' off but outside of
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • avoiding some potential discomfort that doesn't make a huge difference here and calling this out does not make you an AH. You aren't ungrateful; you expect to be paid the money they owe you and them deciding, without your knowledge, to pretend like paying you back is a GIFT, is super bogus.
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • Spare_Environmen... . 2h ago "Instead of paying you back the $600 we collectively owe you, we decided to just pay for your birthday meal." Is exactly what they did. And it's not the same as paying you back, which is what they initially agreed to do. I would tell them, if you can afford an expensive restaurant you can afford to pay back what you owe me.
    via u/Spare_Environment595
  • radnan360 • 2h ago NTA, they didn't do a nice thing for you, they did a nice thing for themselves. They used your money to buy themselves a fancy meal and apps and planned to spin it so they didn't have to feel bad about stealing $600 from you. I seriously doubt your food was $600...so no, they didn't treat you, they treated themselves again
    via u/radnan360
  • SalaudChaud · 2h ago . NTA - you need a friends upgrade.
    via u/SalaudChaud
  • Silent_Morning692 • 2h ago With friends like that, you don't need any enemies! NTA
    via u/Silent_Morning692
  • MiddleMuscle8117 • 2h ago NTA for feeling the way you do but never lend money to friends or family. Gift it, or don't.
    via u/MiddleMuscle8117
  • Big-Range9664 · 2h ago NTA - your right, these are supposed to be two different things though the money from the trip and your birthday, at the end of the day youre still out. These friends arent friends! They are users
    via u/Big-Range9664
  • FrontTelevision7261 • 2h ago Nope, not right. They decided what to do with YOUR money. It was disrespectful. How can a group of people not figure out to pay you back and take you out for an affordable dinner as a thank you? People have no manners or common sense. YES, YOU PAID FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.
    via u/FrontTelevision7261
  • Universal_mammal • 1h ago NTA So they essentially paid maybe $50-100 for your dinner(depending on how much the restaurant cost) of the $600 they actually owed you. How generous of them /s. I wouldn't go out with them again until the remainder is paid back, and count yourself lucky they didn't give you this bill, too. Edit to add judgement of NTA
    via u/Universal_mammal
  • NoHorseNoMustache 1h ago Yeah that's exactly what they did. NTA, it's not the money it's the point that they apparently don't respect you.
    via u/NoHorseNoMustache
  • nicfanz ⚫ 1h ago . Not only are they bad friends but dumb as hell. They ate most of the food while OP probably ate 1/5. So they are actually paying for themselves with her money. She didn't really benefit $600 worth of food
    via u/nicfanz
  • PeachyLeeks • 1h ago . NTA. They're not your friends. Your finances aren't their business and assuming you're ok to cover an extra $600 because they have worse jobs is insane behavior.
    via u/PeachyLeeks
  • gelatoo 1h ago • Your actual 30th gift is that you've managed to separate from these "friends". You sound like your new life is beginning and you have a real opportunity to rebuild yourself a meaningful future. You also get to choose who's in it and their values. I suggest therapy and some new hobbies to let in people who genuinely care about you.
    via u/gelatoo
  • cordelia1955 • 55m ago Funny how we think of things to say after the fact like: I sure as H didn't eat $600.00 worth of food. Where's the rest? Or: I appreciate the gesture but I wouldn't have treated myself to a fancy dinner out with the $600.00 but divide my meal by 4 (or
    via u/cordelia1955
  • however many there are) and that still leaves each of you owing me x. Instead of picking out what you want to buy me how about letting me buy it when you pay me back. BTW, when will that be? I understand if you don't have the whole amount, $50.00 a month would be fine."
    via u/cordelia1955
  • They don't respect you, they took advantage of your generosity and are not friends worth keeping. NTA but maybe a sucker for expecting them to keep their word.
    via u/cordelia1955
  • PineapplePupcake • 34m ago NTA. 'Thank you all for treating me to dinner for my birthday. When can I expect to receive the money still owed for Anna's birthday trip?'
    via u/PineapplePupcake
  • . ConflictGullible392 15m ago NTA. They had the money so they should have paid you back. If you want to turn around and spend that on a birthday dinner great but that should have been your choice not theirs.
    via u/ConflictGullible392

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birthday friends entitled money women birthday dinner vacation
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